She's been faking me out. She's learned to not say anything when she's 'not here'. I cannot even escape to my own room for five minutes w/o my name being called, then comes the rasping that takes me back to when she had asthma attacks three times a week at night, having to rush her to the hospital. It scares me and terrifies me.

Speaking w/a relative today, I laughed silently as they spoke of how now that they were having MORE trouble w/their foot, they didn't know when they'd be out. Laughing because I anticipated all of this. If it wasn't so sad it'd be funny!

It's scary to be alone and deal w/this. Trying to be brave, at least God in Heaven sees all and knows all. He has not forsaken me, and He cares about me. He is my friend, but how much easier this would be if I had SOMEONE to talk to daily. So sad to have been left by a friend. I think about calling her but I know the call won't be answered or returned, as do I want such a person as a so-called 'friend' anyway? Someone who has shown such disregard? No, I don't, but it's sad and hard to deal with.