I'm scared to death. Fell asleep watching Olympics, then awoke at 1:40am and she's sitting there on the couch, asking me if I'm her sister, saying she doesn't know where she is.

Sigh. If this is getting read by anyone, and you know someone taking care of a loved one w/a disease, please give them some support! It's so scary to be alone, and I am ALONE with this. Just the internet and the hope of someone reading this gives me a little hope of...something.

She went back to sleep and I had to creep away. I sit paralyzed in fear. I pray for a life beyond this, then I feel massive guilt of course. I wish I could speak to the lady I got on the phone once, she was going through this and her emotions were so THERE, and she knew I could sympathize. Wherever you are, God bless you.

This results in a lot of anxiety in me. I have been thinking that I should write down everything necessary for taking care of her. When I think that I'm all she has, if something were to happen to me that would be it, no one to tell her to eat or even get the food, pay the bills etc. Then I'm scared that I'm having these thoughts, does it mean something will happen to me and I'm being a little psychic? Scary scary scary.

I have one kind friend who may know about this blog, only because it's attached to my Twitter account. She was a great friend and still has the heart of the Lord that guides her. We had a falling out that I always regretted. My everyday friend I have not heard from since December, and I've already written about her. I miss her and yet am afraid to call her. Afraid she won't take or return the call.

Mom just woke up and is herself again. SIGH of relief! I cried and she said "What's going on honey? Am I losing my mind? Oh please Lord not that!" Then she said just go to sleep and not think about it. I agree Mom.

I miss you so much when you're not here. Thank you Lord for the miracle. At least I can sleep now. But I still miss my friends. Makes me wonder if I'm a gargoyle to them or something. My sister said to me "And you wonder why you have no friends" in a very sympathetic statement. Gee thanks. FAMILY...